Honestly this year was like a blur to me. And it really makes me sad because so much happened that really changed my life and it all went by so fast. Since I joined the swim team and started high school it seems like I don't have time for anything including my video editing and digital photography which really disappoints me.

Anyway...for once, I don't feel like making any resolutions. And if I did, they wouldn't be about my weight (wow, I know right?). The only reason I'm not is because I don't have time to be ambitious about a few specific things because they're all being thrown at me. It's like I'm just living life to live it rather than enjoying it, and it stinks. Bad.

So, my take on this year is moot. It wasn't good, it wasn't bad. Just...happened. I found what it was to really work hard in school and not make it where I wanted. I got stronger and faster but still wasn't good enough in swimming to be in districts in my main events. And...most of all, I got my heart broken and yet I found a person who I love so much, but I made a big mistake, and now, there is no guarantee that we will be together. I just have to keep holding on that, I'll make it back to the top. Because I know I'm determined enough to get there, I just need the inspiration.

I hope that '09 is full of more times that I'm able to stop and just be happy and successful. What freaks me out more, is I'm going to be 15 next Friday X_X I hope at least that day won't be like these holidays which feel as if they were all pain to get ready for and just a let down of emotions when they were over.

It's been about a month since I've posted a journal entry so I figured I'd just keep a record of what's happened so far.

I'm on a break for finishing up my school work before the grace period to start the winter break. I'm so mad my grades dropped. My A's went to B's and my B's went to C's. It's only first semester and I think I can make it up by the second but it's just an extra thing I don't need.

High school swimming is way harder than I thought. Practice twice a day. First at 5 then the second at 3-6 pm. And because I qualify for my districts in the 100 freestyle, my coach likes to have me in a lot of events because I've been swimming for 10 years competitively almost. The meets are always on Mondays and Wednesdays and Invitationals are on Saturdays.

I haven't been able to practice piano as much because I've been so busy. I feel bad for my teacher because she's so nice and it's taking me forever to get through the level I'm on. Hopefully the break will refresh my system.

The Y!J incident really screwed up my savings so that camera ain't coming to me any time soon. I only have $80/$325. So yeah. I'm kind of upset. And I can't ask for it for my birthday next month cuz it's too expensive.

I should get back to work now because I'm babysitting (don't worry, I put the kid to bed) and mooching off public (unsecured) internet so I'm just going to cut this complaining short

Happy Holidays everyone!

Whilst I'm in my hyper mood I shall update thou on what has been occurring in my dull life.

...I'd make a great Shakespeare cosplayer. Anyway

Just so you know, I was an idiot. A really big idiot. I was obsessed with Yahoo!Japan auctions for a week or so using Celga to buy a bunch of shit. I got my invoice on Saturday. ONE-HUNDRED TWENTY FUCKING SEVEN DOLLARS. I did NOT expect that. I sent the second part of my payment today. I'm so irritated that my anger cannot be identified -___- No spending till April. I better get a ton of babysitting jobs for the Christmas rush.

High School swimming is way harder than YMCA swimming. More regulations, seven practices a week (yes, that means you have to go two times to days of the week). Morning practices are at 5 am and the afternoon ones are 3-6 (killer). I'm thinking about bugging my old coach from last year's team for the satellite practice schedule and drop in on a random practice. Oh, the look on their faces would be priceless X)

Speaking of le GJY, I'm going to a swim meet for Zach in Greensburg this Saturday. It's going to be epic. I haven't seen him in awhile. It'll also be cool because that was the first place we had a swim meet and sat together <3

I can't wait to go to the Penguins game tonight. Sucks that Fleury's injured though.

If you're curious for my randomly euphoric mood, it's because it's snowing outside. I'm bizarrely content when it snows. Don't ask.

...God, I'm hungry.

More journal entries because I'm too lazy to write them down by hand.

Depression wave. What fun.
Swimming kick started into being really hard
School bombed me with two graded assignments a day
The religious education manager at my church is trying to help me out but oddly I can't even find time to explain my problems to her.
A friend is using me at my wit's end and I don't know how to break it to her that she's hurting me.
Two guys from school have big crushes on me. One more than the other and he has it really rough. Why can't I just say yes? I don't like pretending I love someone so much when I don't. It feels empty. And then there's Zach. Is that why I can't get into dating? Because I still feel an emotional tug of more than just friends with him?

I feel like I'm going to just fold into myself. I think I'd like that.

Oh where, oh where
Has this country's common sense gone?
Oh where, oh where could it be?
I've checked in the White House
I've checked in the streets
Oh where, oh where could it be?



I don't care who you are, what you do in life, if you voted for Obama...I hate you.