I'ma watchin' Fox News right now on the Election News. Dear god I hope Obama doesn't win. This country's going to turn into a disaster if he does.

I'm pretty tired. Swim practice was tough on me. We finally got a schedule for the real practices. They start on November 17th so I'm excited. Zach has a swim meet on the 22nd in Greensburg but my rents say they need to "talk it over" if I can go. Parent's are irritating sometimes.

I find it really bizarre that when I get my period or when my hormones are really raging that I have a stronger interest in Sailor Moon. Don't ask me. Even I don't know. But it seems that the want for BSSM merchandise is stickin' with me and I ordered some things through an LJ community. I found this really cool kickboard on eBay but the person wants $40 for it so I'm scanning through Y!Japan's listings to see if I can find it there cheaper.

School is kinda stressful. I have a Spanish mid-term tomorrow and I'm behind by three quizes in Geometry because I need some help from my teacher. Science is ok. I need to raise it like my Geo, but it'll be easy. I've got A's in English and History but not by much so I guess it boils down to just improving my work quality.

God, I just hope I wake up to seeing McCain winning.

THIS IS A POLITICAL RANT. IF YOU COMMENT LIKE AN ASSHOLE, I'LL TREAT YOU LIKE ONE.

In the last six days that I've been really paying attention to the election, I can really say that I'm fearful of the outcome. Yeah, I'm conservative. Is it really a surprise? I'm homeschooled and my parents are doctors. Why does it scare me? Wellllllll,

1. Obama wants to "redistribute" the wealth. Which is basically code for "give money to the people who didn't work for it". And I'm not saying this because my family is "wealthy". We aren't. My parents have four kids and my dad basically runs his medical associates company. So we are doing well, but not as great as we could be. And when you think about it, we aren't the only type who will suffer. Small business owners look like they make a lot, but once they pay their employees and health benefits, it really diminishes. When the government decides to "redistribute" this money, they are SOCIALIZING the country and basically saying, "You work for me, you give me your money, and I decide how much you keep and I give away to other people." Like if you go trick or treating and your next door neighbor is lazy and doesn't. But you have to give him candy anyway. How is that fair?

2. People are voting on EMOTION rather than what's good for the country and it's really bad. Why? Because they hate Bush so much. Granted, the way the war was executed was not well planned, but it was necessary because we would have been attacked even more if we hadn't. However, people are saying they want ANY kind of change no matter what the guy is like. And THAT is a problem. A big problem. Put out this election for a moment, and just think, if people really just vote on emotion for the future elections, how many bad turns will this country take before it's totally collapsed?

3. The media is totally for Obama. There is NO way around it. None. If you really look at the magazine covers like PEOPLE, and look at channels like MSNBC, AND REALLY PAY ATTENTION, you'll see that Obama gets a "get out of jail free" card basically. If you look at history, you'll see that all the liberal candidates in the past 20 years or so and compare it to the crap the republicans got and it won't come close to the shit that the republicans got. It's just not fair! And people believe it is what's worse. And it's only now that McCain is jumping on this stuff that Obama's putting out. And some of this stuff is just plain LIES. I don't like McCain all that much(And I think Palin is a very wonderful and intelligent woman, but she wasn't the greatest pick for VP on the ticket) but I find him a lot better than the alternative.

4. If by now you haven't figured out I'm republican, then you must not be an Obama supporter. People on Socialvibe really ruffle my feathers because their excuse to vote for Obama is, "He thinks about the Middle Class", "He's a good speaker", "Palin is crazy", and "McCain is too old". WHAT? ...and I ask again, WHAAAT? That will be what decides your vote for the president?! WHAT is wrong with you? They also say, "Haven't you noticed McCain supporters are mostly 14 year olds?" Hey! Haven't you noticed that a whole heck of a lot of Obama supporters are college students that haven't really gone out and made a living yet(my observation. you rant at me, and I will shoot you. so shut up if you are an Obama supporter and think otherwise. Just shut up.)

Also, keep this in mind if you're thinking, "What do you know about any politics? You're still underage you stupid kid." Yeah. I can't vote. But I pay attention, and I'm still an American. And eventually I will vote. So I'm going to do what I can to express my opinion because I care about it.

There. I feel better now. But YOU COMMENT LIKE AN ASSHOLE, I'LL TREAT YOU LIKE ONE. SO DON'T COMMENT LIKE ONE.

I don't know if I ever felt this kind of sadness before. It's just...killing me. Everything feels heavy and I can't focus on my school work. I have a babysitting job tonight, piano, and a lot of school assignments. I just want to lay in bed for the rest of the weekend. I feel so unheard, lonely, and abandoned. I want to cry but for some reason the tears won't come.

Where does this depression come from? I want to kill it already. I know my weight and grades aren't the greatest they could be, but I knew to not let that get to me a long time ago if I wanted to improve which I have. I hope this passes soon. I'm just...so so so down.

I love how I can get into depth details in my head and just lose them. Anyway, me, the rents, and the mushrooms went on our anual October trip to West Virginia to see my grandparents and my other immediate family. We went to Richfield farms with my mom's sister, Renee, and her family for a late night corn maze. My cousin, Mia who has been one of my best friends since we were kids, and I got lost in the maze. It was fun till some guy popped out and scared the shit out of her. (inside joke: KILL THE PIRATE) A cool thing about Mia is that her bday's on Halloween so I'm going back to WV to trick or treat (no I'm not dressing up...I out grew my Sailor Saturn costume...) and get her a gift for her 13th bday.

While at my grandparent's, I spilled all my issues with my rents and school and my depression to my grandma. I could tell she knew it was worse just by the way I act. She said she had no idea that I was so depressed. I know when I give into her about this stuff, that I'm going to eventually tell my parents. Just a matter of when. So I feel really bad about making them worry. I hate people worrying about me, so I shut myself off and eventually take things out on everyone. Which has already started, so I know my parents are going to want some excuses for my aggression. I just can't win, can I?

When we got back, we found out the heater blew out. So it's like 52 degrees through out the house. It makes it hard to do anything so we'll be sleeping by the fireplace tonight I guess.

I figured out why I prefer winter over fall. The transition to getting used to looking outside thinking it's 3 when it's actually 1. And in winter, there are more cloudy days.

Oh yeah! My school's art competition is tomorrow meaning I have to have my submission in by 5 pm...and I haven't started yet. AGOASUPGOAISG I have to get my history done first. Just an essay on how the Romans kicked the Etruscans' asses.

Literary Analysis and Composition 2: 94.25
World History: 91.60
Earth Science: 83.81
Spanish 1: 78.60
GEOMETRY: 67.04 (ihatemylife.)

My mom's ready to decapitate me and sever all relations to swimming in order to raise my grades. Does she really think that will motivate me? That'll just piss me off and get me even more depressed than I already am. She's so stressed and depressed herself, I can't bring myself to tell her how bad I really am right now.

I'm still way too overweight. IE: I'm a size 6, but I still need a 38 for my swimsuits. I know this only because I out grew my 36 by height and had to shop for a new one hoping to fit into another 36, but had to settle for a 38 which was actually comfortable. At least I'm not as over weight as Austin (that's so mean of me...). I think I'll starve myself on days I don't have practice. That'll be hard next week though because I'm going to my grandparent's and my grandma likes to stuff me like a pig.

"Santa" is considering getting me and the mushrooms (siblings) a Wii for Christmas instead of individual gifts cuz of the money stuff. So far the mushrooms like the idea. Hopefully we'll be able to find one.

My opinion on worldly news (not that anyone cares)in a few sentences; democrats are being assholes, people with stocks need to keep their money in the market because taking it out will just destroy it more and they'll miss out on money later.

Hopefully I'll be able to pull myself through the obstacles without falling into a pit again like a couple years ago.